sunny side up
by turn out fine
Summary: three times Remus was disappointed in love and the one time he wasn't / Remus Tonks oneshot


ql round two, a fic about tonks, changing. using the prompts: wonderful, jumbled, "i prefer my eggs sunny side up"

1,747 words

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sunny side up

or

three times remus lupin is disappointed in love and the one time that he's not

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one.

You're young and naive this first time you fall in love. The butterflies churning in your stomach are like nothing you've ever felt before. Maybe this crush will work out. You've been feeling lonely ever since you started your first year of Hogwarts. The magic you're learning is astounding, but you could use someone to confide in and hang out with.

You hear her talking to her friends, telling them all about how she loves big dogs, especially the Rottweiler that her neighbors at home have. They shriek and giggle at her bravery. She jokingly tells them that they'll all cowards. Your heart swells because maybe she isn't afraid of wolves either.

It's a curse most of the time; but for once your over-active imagination plays out a fairy tale in your head instead of another scene social rejection.

Introducing yourself, the butterflies still pound but a smile almost wins out. The two of you sit down by the lake to talk.

It turns out that both of you are Half-Bloods. Defence Against the Dark Arts is her favorite subject too. Her favorite candy is chocolate, just like yours. Your smile cannot be contained now. More than any other food, she loves sunny side up eggs, and from that moment on you resolve to also.

The conversation takes another turn, and the two of you begin discussing your fears. To her, it's interesting that you're terrified of the moon. As you overheard, she's bold for a twelve year old. 'Is there anything that scares you at all?' you ask admiringly. After a slight pause, she admits that yes, she always has been afraid of wolves. 'Not that I think I'm going to be bitten a werewolf or anything,' she adds lightly.

When her comment registers, your heart crashes into your feet. Looking befuddled, she watches you push yourself off the ground and sprint away from her.

Later, you find out that she is in Ravenclaw, a house you don't have much to do with. It's a good excuse never to talk to her again.

The experience leaves you with nothing but an even more deeply ingrained feeling that you're unlovable, and a life-long preference for your eggs served sunny side up.

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two.

The second time you fall, you're a bit more cynical. Still, though, you harbor a tiny hope for your fairy tale.

She's no one special, just a girl who's in potions class with you, but your school-boy fancy for her persists. The Marauders encourage you to ask her out.

You tell them that you wouldn't feel comfortable going out without her first knowing your secret. Peter is the one who speaks up, saying that you should tell her, then.

After dinner, you seek her out and ask her if she would like to take a walk. Looking pleasantly surprised, she agrees to.

You're too nervous to really listen to her relentless chatter as you stroll along the corridors. She doesn't seem to notice your heart pounding and you decide to push off telling her about your secret for as long as possible.

Zoning in, you hear the tail end of her monologue, 'My little brother Iggy is the worst of them all. I may not look it but I can throw a punch as well as anybody. I dealt with him all right.'

You vaguely say the first word that comes to mind. 'Really?'

'Yeah,' she says, glad that you're finally contributing to the conversation. 'I can show you if you want. Lightly, I mean, I wouldn't wanna hurt you.'

She's hauling her arm back when you spot a figure turning the corner. He begins to sprint, and you see that it's James.

'There you are Remus, I was just out to go practice before tomorrow's Quidditch game. How's it going?'

Before you can respond, James notices her hand, still drawn back to sock you. The calm on his face is replaced by dawning horror and he runs between the two of you. He seems to have drawn some kind of conclusion about the whole situation and you realize what it is once he begins to talk.

In a sort of frenzied yell, he begins to lecture your date. 'I see Remus told you about his furry little problem. No need to get physical. Moony is the best guy in the world. You obviously don't deserve him.'

Next to you, the girls face is a mixture of shock and fear. She mutters something about needing to get to bed and takes off hastily.

You turn and run in the other direction, not waiting to see if Padfoot is following you.

The girl probably wouldn't have been your girlfriend anyway but you ache for her, for her normalcy and endless talk and for her sparkling blue eyes.

His unwavering loyalty should be endearing, but at that moment you hate James Potter.

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three.

You know that boys who like boys aren't the so-called "normal" of the world, but you always have been different.

This time you're a little more confident. Before, your crushes were both ruined by your furry little problem, but Sirius is one of the only people in the world who has embraced you, flaws and all. Maybe now your love will reciprocate.

You come up to him directly one night and confess your love. You're fed up with skating in circles, flirting and talking and always wondering.

He looks at you from his seat in front of the fire and laughs. 'You think I didn't already see you bowing at my feet, Moony?' he responds sarcastically.

'For real,' you whisper, unsure if he can hear you. This doesn't seem like such a great plan anymore. He sees the hurt flooding your face and rushes over in that melodramatic way of his. Throwing his arms around you, he presses your face into his shoulders. He exhales softly against you.

'I'll think about it, okay? But you know that you're always my mate,' he says, almost pleadingly.

The maybe feels a lot like a no to you.

Sirius always has been the carefree one, retaining the slightly arrogant nonchalance of his Pure-Blood family. It only makes sense that he doesn't want you. You would always be a dead weight around his neck, pulling, drowning, holding back.

Your thoughts are jumbled with tears and confusion as you begin to cry. Everything is mixed up and your stomach twists along with your head. You turn and run then. It would hurt too much to see the look on Sirius' face.

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four.

More than ten years later, maybe you're ready to try playing at love again. You're almost sure that it will fail because you've determined that as a rule, people don't love werewolves so by now you're used to the pain.

This time, you're going to lay out all of your cards from the very beginning.

You approach her one day in the kitchen of the Order's headquarters. 'Tonks, I'm not sure if you know, but I'm a werewolf,' you say, nervously fiddling with the edge of you shirt. You can't admit, even to yourself, how much the response that she will give means to you.

'I always figured there was something funny about you. Hey, that's why Sirius always calls you Moony, isn't it?'

You're grateful that she's taking it so well but you've set yourself up for failure already and something inside you needs to press on. 'You don't understand,' you say, wanting it to penetrate into her mind. 'I could kill someone,' you explain, looking down at the shabby tiles of the kitchen floor.

'Do you plan on killing me?' Tonks asks brightly, sounding more as if it's a matter of interest than anything else.

'No. No I wasn't planning your homicide anytime soon,' you awkwardly force out, trying to keep the corners of your mouth from turning up.

She doesn't fucking care and the smile you've been holding in breaks free. For once, maybe you don't have to run away.

'But,' she breaks through your thoughts, her voice filled with laughter, 'You might kill me once you taste my eggs. If you don't die first, I mean. Not that I'm intentionally poisoning you.'

Taking a few steps forward, you lean in to investigate the skillet in front of Tonks.

'I'm surprised that Molly let you cook in the first place,' you tease.

'Oh, she knows I'm rubbish at this, but I was only doing more harm while trying to clean.'

'Anyway, you continue; you don't have to worry about me eating those. I prefer my eggs sunny side up.'

'Idiot, these are sunny side up,' she says in mock indignation.

'Could've fooled me,' you say.

'I'll, I'll- I'm gonna crack an egg on your head, Lupin,' she declares.

You're too distracted by her technicolored blue hair to answer, and your smile still hasn't deserted your face yet.

She notices you looking at her head and winks at you. Screwing up her nose, her hair suddenly shortens and turns a dark brown.

'There, my hair is less distracting now. Look up at the ceiling, I hear there's something in it.'

'Oh no, I won't fall for that trick, Tonks. I'm not two years old.'

'You sure?' she asks. 'Because I think you just did.' Her wand aims at the ceiling and an eggs floats out of the carton.

You stare upwards and Tonks whoops in victory. Somehow, she managed to stick the egg up there and now it's falling onto your head.

Listening to it crack, you feel the slimy yolk running down your cheek. Your eyes aren't following the egg's descent, though. They're glued on Tonks.

'I will get you for this one, you just watch me,' you yell, still watching her.

When you fall to the ground next to her a few minutes later, tripping over a puddle of egg that will drive Molly bonkers, another confession begins to fall out of your mouth.

'Tonks,' you say, speech steady this time, 'I think I love you'

Later will come your guilt about dragging her into your life and your overwhelming fear of becoming close to anyone. Right now, all you feel is wonderful.

Her hair changes again, a deep pink mess of curls this time.

'Funny, I was just about to say the same thing to you.'

You lean in to kiss her and you think that maybe love isn't always a disappointment.

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thanks so much to sam for beta'ing

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